Who Are You and How Are You?

What Our Dispositions Tell Us About Our Mental Wellness

As we settle into what it means to stay-at-home, fluctuations in nearly every aspect of our lives have become commonplace. It feels like we all have been suddenly shoved onto a rollercoaster without a clear view of the exit.

People are experiencing a wide range of challenges, including, but not limited to: the death of loved ones, illness, fear of illness, economic insecurity, isolation, loss of significant milestones and difficult living situations.

People are also experiencing freedom from the “rat race” of life and a slowing down and enjoyment of the simple things in life. Giving to others and helping our neighbors and communities fills a previously dormant need for many of us. People are having creative growth and are making important life decisions.

Moving rapidly from problem-solving a difficult situation to experiencing a unique opportunity creates emotional whiplash!

Mental, spiritual and behavioral health practitioners are seeing a wide range of experiences. The uniqueness of our situations brings with it some confusion. Clients are asking if what they are experiencing in their daily life is normal and healthy. They are noticing that their emotions, thoughts and behaviors cycle rapidly.

As a therapist, a question that I frequently ask myself and my clients is “are you in wellness right now?” Wellness can be defined as a state of balance and harmony in one’s body, mind and spirit. It is a seemingly easy question but can be difficult to ascertain. With emotional fluctuations, more time to notice our thought patterns and new living situations, as well as a very different world around us, the answer to the question of wellness becomes complicated. And, in these times of greater personal and collective stress, staying in wellness can feel more elusive.

Our personal propensities can serve as a guide to our wellness. We each exhibit core ways in which we experience the world and connect with others. It is not merely our belief systems or our conditioning at play. We also interact with the world and view it from our innate, skillful predispositions. Gaining an understanding of our unique tendencies and views of the world allows us to better discern whether we are in our out of wellness.

Aligned with the chakra system, a network of energy channels in the body, and a psychological understanding of personality, there are seven important dispositions outlined below.

“The Rock” — These individuals are dependable, stable and secure. They experience a sense of belonging and help others to feel safe. When “the rock” is in wellness, they are feeling secure. When they are stressed out and not in wellness these individuals feel overwhelmed, anxious and over-burdened.

“The Empath” — Empaths are emotive, healing to others and highly compassionate individuals. When empaths are in health they are able to caretake, they feel deep compassion and they feel a warmness towards life and others. An empath, when not in wellness, often feels exhausted, depressed and resentful.

“The Producer” — These individuals are highly productive, “can do” people. In health, they are very reliable. When out of health, they can find themselves overdoing, overperforming and are commanded by “shoulds”. They are perfectionistic when not in wellness, experiencing a tenuous sense of self-worth.

“The Lover” — The lover is open-hearted and tender. When in wellness they are open, playful and honest. When out of health, they feel broken-hearted and experience significant pain and deep hurt in their relationships. These individuals feel a sense of deep loss when they are not in wellness.

“The Communicator” — These individuals communicate important information effectively and are unafraid to speak their minds. They often speak for those who are unable to speak for themselves. When they are in wellness they feel free to express themselves. When they are not in wellness they can experience a sense of being overburdened by information to relay, or, rather, they might also notice being withdrawn or feeling tongue-tied.

“The Visionary” — The visionary is a person who can see what is going on and what will happen with clarity. When these individuals are in wellness they see clearly, notice things readily and can create new experiences in their lives with ease. When visionaries are out of health they experience information overload, confusion and loneliness. They describe being stuck in their lives when they are out of wellness.

“The Intuitive” — Intuitives are knowledgeable, wise and balanced. When intuitives are healthy they feel a sense of peace and trust in themselves and others. When these individuals are out of health they may be self-isolating, serious and disconnected from others. Out of health, the intuitive tends to retreat from others.

When we recognize that we are out of health, it is a sign that something needs to change. Change can occur quickly with boundary adjustment. Boundaries are visible and invisible protection or structure and can be intrapsychic or interpersonal. Intrapsychic boundaries are created to titrate incoming information and to attend to aspects of our own personal energy such as thoughts and emotions. Interpersonal boundaries exist to connect with others while also remaining a separate and independent identity. Regardless of an individual’s disposition, wellness reappears as we adjust our boundaries.

With all of this in mind, it is easy to see why living during a pandemic may challenge our ability to stay in health. Our boundaries have been significantly altered and many of our boundaries are no longer in our control.

Let’s say you take the same bike route every day and are comforted in the familiarity of the path and all of the trees, flowers and turns on the path. Right now, that path is closed down. We are forced to use a different path and everything is new and a bit scary. The new path is a fixed boundary. There are things that we might do to cope better with a new and scary path. We might wear clothing that feels comfortable and familiar. We might bring a friend on the path with us. We might listen to soothing music on the path. These are all boundaries that are in our control and are acts of self-care.

Self-care is the best place to begin. Self-care serves as an accessible and controllable boundary shift. The symptoms of our unwellness serve as guideposts to what is needed. For example, an empath who is feeling exhausted might need some time alone to recharge and may need to guard themselves from seeing too many news stories. A visionary who feels confused and lonely might benefit from a walk with a friend. A lover who feels hurt in a relationship might need to find an activity to connect deeply with their partner. These acts of self-care serve to begin a healing process. When they are effective, these acts confirm the boundaries that need shifting.

As we navigate our rides on the rollercoaster, it is more important than ever to continually assess how we are doing. We can all gain a better understanding of how we tend to interact with the world and what these tendencies tell us about our state of wellness. The assessment of our wellness can then serve as our guide to our needs. From a place of wellness, we can better navigate the vicissitudes of our ever-shifting lives.