Good Morning, Sweetie Pie
It may sound kind of ridiculous, but one of the most profound healing exercises that you can do for yourself is to speak to yourself sweetly. Find a nickname for yourself that is loving and wake up in the AM and use that nickname. Say to yourself: Good morning Sweetie Pie. Doing this exercise and continuing to speak to yourself like this throughout your day has incredible effects!
The more I counsel clients, the more I notice an important pattern. When one faces something challenging, the challenge itself isn’t really the biggest problem. The most painful part of facing a life challenge is your inner dialog and your relationship with yourself. When something happens in your life or you are worried that something might happen, you experience an inner tightness. The inner tightness sends a signal to yourself that something is wrong and needs to change. And guess what you try to change without even being fully conscious of the experience… yourself! Does this sound familiar? “If only my body was different; if only I could do more, handle more, be different - be smarter, be kinder, be more SOMETHING.”
It is actually natural for our species to go to this place. We crave control to quell our fears. And since we can’t control the outside world, the inner world will do. It makes sense. We are the most dependent species on earth. When we are born we are 100% dependent on our caregivers to keep us alive. So when we begin to experience challenges or challenging feelings inside, it isn’t viable to change our outside world. Instead, we try to change ourselves. According to objects relations theory, this is precisely how we begin to create a self-concept.
Logically, it might make sense to try to undo our negative self-concept through our minds. But, our minds are where the trouble exists. Solving problems using the same energy as the problem itself doesn’t always work well. Caring for yourself lovingly quiets down your inner self rage and worry. You become more aware of any negative inner dialogue as a result of inner unease and you don’t listen too much to the messages. And, in time, this approach shifts and changes the way that you see yourself and think of yourself. It may feel awkward at first, but give it a try, Sweetie Pies.