Why do cells have better boundaries than we do?

Studying cellular biology in my early years, I sensed that I was learning something much more important than the study of a single cell’s inner workings. I was so intrigued by the material and intuitively, I knew that the applicability of the information was far reaching. I have come to find out that I was right. What interested me most about cells is the cell membrane. Each type of cell has different needs and functions. The cell membrane protects the inner workings of the cell so that it can get what it needs and function properly. Some cell membranes are porous so that the cell can get rid of waste easily and get nutrients and information from outside itself readily. Other cell membranes are more impenetrable, leaving the cell protected and acting more as a self-contained unit.

Working with people and gaining understanding of them both psychologically and energetically, has shown me that humans operate a lot like cells. It is of no surprise… We are made of hundreds of trillions of cells. And, like a cell, we too have membranes. We refer to our outer layer of protection as our “boundaries”. Our boundaries can be porous or can be impenetrable, and creating the best boundaries for ourselves, optimizes our functioning.

Human boundaries develop at a very young age. As newborns and babies, our boundaries are set optimally for our growth and survival and require adjustment as we develop. Developing healthy boundaries for ourselves allows us to be in a state of balance. Healthy boundaries feel like a state of alertness, inner peace, and easeful communication. So what goes awry when we feel depleted, uneasy, anxious and reactive in relationships?

My own healing certainly revolved around these understandings. In my 20s, I basically lived in the labor and delivery unit as an obstetrics and gynecology resident along with many other young residents. We were a team. We relied heavily on one another. It was not easy for me. I preferred feeling self-contained which was a much more comfortable way for me to navigate. And, we were also very isolated from our friends and families. I didn’t have a vocabulary for my friends and family to explain how difficult it was to change my boundaries from one setting to another. Tears were usually the only way to show my people that the shifting between settings was incredibly difficult for me. I often felt extremely depleted, afraid, and alone. Fortunately, I garnered some grace, strength, and courage to learn how to let people know more about what I was going through. Over time, and still to this day, I work on opening up my boundaries to let people into my inner world. When I do, I feel energized and connected.

Understanding our boundaries can be a great first step in healing. To do so, we must go back to our beginnings. Our early caregivers significantly impact how we navigate our lives and our relationships. Overbearing or invasive or abusive caregivers ignore a child’s boundaries. Resultantly, a child develops a very porous boundary, never learning how to keep their own space. Alternately, a child may develop a very rigid boundary with others, feeling constantly hypervigilant about protecting themselves. And, many children learn to toggle between the two. On the other hand, a neglectful parent or a parent with very rigid boundaries often creates conditions where a child develops very porous boundaries in hopes to get the care that they so crave. Additionally, a child with this type of caregiver might learn to have so few needs their boundary becomes quite rigid and they may behave like a self-contained machine. As children move into adulthood, they unconsciously use the same boundary keeping in all of their relationships.

A cell adjusts immediately and automatically when it is not healthy. Humans, however, often don’t recognize when they are out of health. As a wellness counselor, one of the best things that I can do for a client is to teach them how to recognize when they are feeling “in wellness” or “out of wellness”. And so often, when they are not “in wellness” it is because their boundaries need some adjusting. Learning how to adjust our boundaries depends upon our ability to notice our energy levels, to feel our emotions, and to observe our behaviors.

Instead of judging ourselves for being out of balance in some way, we can think of ourselves as scientists gathering data. Data that will be useful to ourselves as an organism. While this concept may feel a bit dry and impersonal, there is a great truth in honoring the ways in which we operate due to the fact that we are made up of cells! In this way, single cell organisms can truly be a guide for humans on how to create boundaries and live a healthy life.